Trusting God

Wow - A lot has happened since I first started this blog on a quest for a closer relationship with my Lord and Savior! I have received news of my daughter's half sister having seizures at the young age of only 8 months old. What a trying time for my daughter and her dad's family! Praying for them and sweet little Avah!  Then just after she is hospitalized for these seizures, my mom is hospitalized with severe pain and nausea...What we thought was gall bladder attacks has turned out to be cancer!  While looking around in her abdomen and having scans and exrays done, they did find a mass on her lung and they did a biopsy...we were told she has Stage 3 Lung Cancer and it possibly has spread to her abdomen where she is having the pain...

Here is where the trust comes in...When I spoke with the attending physician in the hospital - he told me my mother has cancer and it is metastatic...meaning it has spread from her Lungs to her Abdomen (or vice versa)...He sent in a Cancer Doc to talk to my mom and we were to follow up with him once out of the hospital. So, the Oncologist told my mom to have a PET Scan done before she comes to his office so he can get a better scope of what is going on and know what treatment options there are. This has been a very scary and upsetting 2 weeks for our family.  During it all, I have been seeking prayer from church family and our own family and close friends. I KNOW GOD CAN HEAL HER! I know this and I tell myself this but I have fear...I do not want my fear to take over my faith. I do not want to doubt what God is capable of.

We had the PET Scan done...we went to see the Oncologist...the report states possible metastatic nodes and there are 2 spots on the Lung and there is a spot near the gall bladder and liver and there is some type of activity at the colon...HOWEVER, when we go to the meeting, the Oncologist says he isn't convinced the spot near the colon is anything and maybe not the gall bladder either. He wants yet another test. I was a little frustrated at this because I thought this huge PET Scan that was done was supposed to provide the answers...THEN, I thought - hey, this is a good thing - we have gone from Stage 4 Metastatic Cancer without a treatment option to a likely possibility that we could be at the Stage 3 Lung Cancer with a slim treatment option - slim is better than none! Could God be taking this cancer away from my mom?  Well, Of course He could be!  I am slow to speak this out loud because of the what if's...Is that bad on my part?  I pray it isn't me doubting God - I feel like it is more of me being prepared for whatever direction God is going to take my mom in. So, we have the next test...an MRI on the abdomen. I get the call from the doctor...No concern with the Colon - PRAISE GOD!!!!  What about the gall bladder???  Well, the Oncologist says he isn't sure....REALLY, after at least 3 different scans done on my mom's abdominal area, you aren't sure?  What does this mean?  My first thought is GOD IS HEALING MY MOM!  Yes, I know he can. Please God, continue to take this away from my mom, please!!!!  Then comes the thought...does this doctor know what he is looking at? Why is there a question...He says at this point, I am not convinced that area shows cancer. I will confer with the radiologist and the surgeon and get back to you...in the meantime, lets go on the assumption it isn't cancer there and focus on the Lungs - have the broncoscopy done on the second spot on the lung and see how we want to treat that and we will get back to the gall bladder area. OK, I am fearful of getting excited over this.

TRUST...how do I trust my Lord over this?  My dear cousin sent me a note of encouragement on this area. Her mom, my mom's twin, faced a very similar situation 5 or so years ago. She was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer and was told treatment would be tough and it was most likely incurable. My cousin did not want her mom to go through treatment. She thought she should just live the rest of her life as great as she could and as healthy as she could until the end, however short that time may be.(To save her the pain and fatigue from treatment that had no guarantee) BUT my aunt said - I will do the treatment and I will trust in God that He will heal me!  Well, 5 years later - my Aunt Linda is cancer free. :-)  PRAISE GOD!!!!!  Thank you Lord for taking such great care of my Aunt!

The reality is some people die from their cancer and the others survive.  Maybe for a few more years, maybe a lifetime of years...I need to trust in our Wonderful, Loving, Merciful God above that He has my mom's best interest in mind and He will take her along this journey and we need to trust Him that whatever happens, The God who is our Creator is in control. His Will be done in my mom's life.

As if this isn't enough to be going through - my 16 year old daughter is having some health concerns. While I do not think these concerns are terribly serious - they have to be dealt with and solutions need to be found.

My prayer - Guide us on this path and help us to not lose Faith no matter what comes our way Lord. I pray for The Holy Spirit to lead me and give me the words to speak to my mother and to my children and to my family that are going through this! Lord, please give me the guidance I need to take care of my family the way You want me to. Please keep Avah, My Mom (Brinda) and my daughter (Taylor) in your care and heal them all! During this time of taking care of my mom and my daughter - please allot me the time to spend with my other children and my husband as well so that no one is lacking in care and attention. I cannot do this alone but with You, Lord - I can provide love and care for my family! Watch over our health, our jobs and our finances and carry us through!  Amen!!!!

How can I make the Sabbath Day a Delight?

This has always been a struggle for me - ever since first coming into the light of the Sabbath....Even after 21 years (I am sad to admit), I still don't have it right!  Thank you God for not giving up on me!  I want the Sabbath Day to be different for my family. I want my family to look forward to the Sabbath. I want us to enjoy this day, draw close to God, rest and have some fun in doing so! I feel like it is always a struggle...wake up Sabbath morning - stress trying to get up and get me and the kids ready for church...rush, rush, rush...get to church - usually enjoying the whole time there...then we leave...most of the time we eat at a restaurant or go through drive through...get home, maybe rest a little bit - sometimes head off to another church meeting for the little ones - which is always enjoyable :)  but it's the in between's...the beginning of the Sabbath - I don't notably start the Sabbath...we don't usually watch something Sabbath appropriate - I do not spend enough time in Bible Study...I don't have a great routine set up for my children on ways to enjoy this day. I let things come up with friends and family that interfere with me keeping the Sabbath...things that can be avoided or put off.

I have been reading this morning on ways to keep the Sabbath - to keep it Holy - to keep it Interesting...What should we be focusing on...How can we truly enjoy this time?

Some initial findings - 
What is the purpose for the Sabbath? The Sabbath is a time for us to remember our Creator...It is a time for rest from work, a time to put all of our daily stresses away. It is a time for us to spend extra time in Bible Study and contemplating spiritual things. 
How can we remember our Creator on the Sabbath? One obvious way is to take a walk in nature - the very thing God created for us to enjoy!  Take a picnic - which I always WANT to do but fail to prepare for!  Go on a bike ride...study the story of creation - let the kids watch stories regarding nature and animals from time to time.
How can I make sure we are all resting as we should be? We can take a family nap - which we have been known to do - more of this is welcome to me for sure!  I need to make sure my friends and family understand I am observing the Sabbath and will need to be kind but firm in this stance.  Carefully decide what type of activities we will engage in during Sabbath from Sundown to Sundown...
What activities should we avoid? Whenever possible - going out to eat at restaurants should be avoided. Heavy house chores and other labor should be avoided when possible. Watching tv shows and movies that draw away from God should always be avoided. Idle chatter - things that don't mean anything or draw us away from God should be avoided. This time should be used to truly dig into a deeper relationship with Christ. To prepare us for End Times...to look forward to Christ's Return!  Participating in secular events should be avoided!


I will be taking some time today and tomorrow to PLAN for my upcoming Sabbath - preparation is Key!  I want it to be something we look forward to!  Lord, please help me to make the Sabbath a Delight for myself and my family!!!

State of the Dead...

WOW - this is a TOUGH subject. Hard to talk about with friends and most of my family...When I am in a conversation and someone brings up a ghost or spirit...I find myself without words...well, no I don't - I find myself without knowing how to speak to anyone about the state of the dead because I do not want to offend them. I love my family! I love my friends! I do not want to take away someone's hope they have in a loved one but I know that hope is false - based on the Bible. I was raised to believe my family member, when they died, went straight to Heaven - they were able to watch over me as I went on with my life...this is actually a little creepy thinking about it...Take my dad for instance - He died several years ago - if his spirit was able to "hang around" or watch from Heaven - he would be able to see all that I do - good and bad...At first this idea seems warm and cozy but then not so much.  Think about my dad - if he could see the state of his family over the past 13 1/2 years - how could he possibly he in Heaven and be happy?  He would not be happy seeing the struggles that we go through - seeing the pain we feel from time to time, yet in Heaven, he is supposed to only be happy. SO - I went searching all the Bible Verses I could find on this subject. There are MANY websites already dedicated to this same research - obviously, I am not the only one wondering! I am sure if I look at the websites and listen to people who believe that the spirits of loved ones are able to wonder the Earth, they think they are right and have Biblical proof to back it up - I cannot find BIBLICAL proof to back up this theory, instead - all Bible Verses that I have found state clearly that when someone dies their state is like a sleep, they know nothing, their thoughts vanish...UNTIL the Resurrection of The Lord! :-)


Psalms 6:3-5 My soul is also sore vexed: but thou, O LORD, how long? Return, O LORD, deliver my soul: oh save me for thy mercies' sake. For in death there is no remembrance of thee: in the grave who shall give thee thanks?


Psalms 115:17 The dead praise not the LORD, neither any that go down into silence.


Psalms 146:4 His breath goeth forth, he returneth to his earth; in that very day his thoughts perish


Ecclesiastes 9:5,6  For the living know that they shall die: but the dead know not any thing, neither have they any more a reward; for the memory of them is forgotten. Also their love, and their hatred, and their envy, is now perished; neither have they any more a portion for ever in any thing that is done under the sun.


Isaiah 38:18-19, "For the grave cannot praise thee, death can not celebrate thee: they that go down into the pit cannot hope for thy truth. The living, the living, he shall praise thee, as I do this day: the father to the children shall make known thy truth."


Psalms 13:3 Consider and hear me, O LORD my God: lighten mine eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death;


Job 14:12 So man lieth down, and riseth not: till the heavens be no more, they shall not awake, nor be raised out of their sleep


John 5:28-29, "Marvel not at this: for the hour is coming, in the which all that are in the graves shall hear his voice,  And shall come forth; they that have done good, unto the resurrection of life; and they that have done evil, unto the resurrection of damnation."


Many people say that Jesus himself proves the theory of a person going to Heaven immediately after death - On the cross he told the thief next to him:


"And Jesus said unto him Verily I say unto thee today shalt thou be with me in paradise." [Luke 23:43] 


It is argued that placing the comma before or after the word today changed the context - Jesus is either saying - I tell you today, you will be with me in paradise OR I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise...take it how you will but one verse and it's punctuation over all other verses in the Bible doesn't prove that to me...Also - later, after Jesus is Resurrected, He tells Mary that He has not yet ascended to Heaven - 3 days later (John 20:17 KJV -Jesus saith unto her, Touch me not; for I am not yet ascended to my Father: but go to my brethren, and say unto them, I ascend unto my Father, and your Father; and to my God, and your God)
...so, why would Jesus tell the thief on the cross that he would be in Heaven with Him on that very day if three days later He still had not gone to Heaven yet? Punctuation was put into the Bible when translated...I for one will not let punctuation marks be the foundation for my beliefs, rather I would like to take all accounts of the Bible and make a  decision based on that :-)

Do I dress like a believer in Christ?

I read an interesting piece of information the other night. I have given much thought over the past few years about how I dress because I have a daughter, well, 2 daughters now. When my first daughter was about 10, I realized I needed to change my wardrobe because I wanted her to look to me as an example of how to dress. It hasn't helped much in that battle, Society and friends are a much stronger pull on what she wants to wear. What I read tonight, however, makes me feel like I should be doing more. I should be more aware of how I dress because not only does it affect my daughter, but it affects me and it affects people who look at me. I need to be possibly more modest than I have been. I should not be tempting other people that look at me. Whether it is tempting them to dress the way I do or tempting them with impure thoughts because of the way I dress. Satan is hard at work trying in every facet of our lives to let sin creep in and we don't even realize it. I pray that God will speak to me and help me be more modest - for myself, for my children and for my husband. 

My first steps...

During my journey this year I plan to question the everyday traditions and why we do the things we do. When we come to worship our Father in Heaven, how do we do it? When should we do it? Instead of following a certain church, I want to follow God using the Bible. This is our instruction manual and I want to get to know it much better than I do now. I want to teach my children what I didn't learn at a young age. I want to encourage my family and friends to take a leap of faith and change things in their life. Change can be hard but there comes a time when we need to shake things up, maybe redirect our life. I have faced opposition and don't always say the right thing or make the right decision but I want to better myself. I want to stand firm in what I believe and I want everyone to know that I love God The Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit. I believe in the Trinity. I believe in Jesus Christ as my Savior. I pray for the Holy Spirit to lead me on this journey!


The Day of Worship is one of the places I want to start -  How important is it? 
I figured I would start my search with the Sabbath. Look at as many Bible verses as I could find and see if there was ever any reason to change the Sabbath or if it matters what day we worship on. There are several arguments out there...Some say the Sabbath only applies to the Israelite's, some say it was nailed to the cross and Sunday was the sign of worship under the new covenant, yet others say you should worship every day, not just on Saturday...I read some opposing views on the Sabbath and why it isn't relevant today...who changed it and when. So far, this is what I believe - I believe the Sabbath Day is a special day set aside by God, our Father in Heaven. He sanctified this day. His people are to worship on the Seventh Day as a sign of obedience and reverence to Him, our Creator.  I do not believe the Sabbath Day was nailed to the cross. If so, then all commandments were nailed to the cross and that just isn't feasible. I do not believe any man on this Earth has the authority to change the day of worship. I do not believe Jesus gave any such power to any man on this Earth. I believe I am part of the modern day Israelite's. I also believe that I should worship God every day BUT the Sabbath Day should be different. I should rest in my Savior's arms. I should leave the secular world behind on this day. I should make the most effort possible to make the Sabbath Day a delight for me and my family, not wish it away so I can get back to my "everyday" life.  I do  believe I still have a lot to learn regarding the Sabbath and how to keep it holy. I pray that God will not give up on me in my fleshly weakness.

As I was reading about the Sabbath last night, I was drawn to other topics and read about true repentance and how to achieve it and I will be working on that in my life. There are things I hadn't really thought about - we are to confess each sin...not just blanket them all and ask God to forgive everything we have ever done...I read that we should actually pray to God, asking him to bring to our mind ANY and ALL sin we have committed that we may not even realize. I imagine this will take a while. It isn't something that I will be able to complete in one evening or even one week, etc. I will try to pray daily for God to bring to my mind any sin that I have not asked forgiveness for. I truly want to repent and move on and not worry about my past any more. I want to look forward. I want to be a better person. I want to be a better wife, mother, friend, daughter, sister, aunt, cousin. I want to be a Christ-centered person.

Start of a new journey

I am on a search for how God desires for me to worship Him and when I should worship. During my childhood I was taught to go to church on Sunday and sing hymns and pray for Jesus to enter my heart and I will be saved. I celebrated every holiday and birthday that came around each year and never thought about why I do or why I should. It was just the way things were. In my late teens I learned more about God and studied the Bible and learned more about prophecy. I changed some things then and was happy. As an adult I have questioned even more about what we do as Christians and why. I am now going to start a new journey and discover what God wants for me and welcome anyone to join me in discussion and study.  I pray that God will bless anyone who comes to this site and reads about my journey and that in the end I will be in Heaven with my Creator along with my family, friends and all who love God.