Trusting God

Wow - A lot has happened since I first started this blog on a quest for a closer relationship with my Lord and Savior! I have received news of my daughter's half sister having seizures at the young age of only 8 months old. What a trying time for my daughter and her dad's family! Praying for them and sweet little Avah!  Then just after she is hospitalized for these seizures, my mom is hospitalized with severe pain and nausea...What we thought was gall bladder attacks has turned out to be cancer!  While looking around in her abdomen and having scans and exrays done, they did find a mass on her lung and they did a biopsy...we were told she has Stage 3 Lung Cancer and it possibly has spread to her abdomen where she is having the pain...

Here is where the trust comes in...When I spoke with the attending physician in the hospital - he told me my mother has cancer and it is metastatic...meaning it has spread from her Lungs to her Abdomen (or vice versa)...He sent in a Cancer Doc to talk to my mom and we were to follow up with him once out of the hospital. So, the Oncologist told my mom to have a PET Scan done before she comes to his office so he can get a better scope of what is going on and know what treatment options there are. This has been a very scary and upsetting 2 weeks for our family.  During it all, I have been seeking prayer from church family and our own family and close friends. I KNOW GOD CAN HEAL HER! I know this and I tell myself this but I have fear...I do not want my fear to take over my faith. I do not want to doubt what God is capable of.

We had the PET Scan done...we went to see the Oncologist...the report states possible metastatic nodes and there are 2 spots on the Lung and there is a spot near the gall bladder and liver and there is some type of activity at the colon...HOWEVER, when we go to the meeting, the Oncologist says he isn't convinced the spot near the colon is anything and maybe not the gall bladder either. He wants yet another test. I was a little frustrated at this because I thought this huge PET Scan that was done was supposed to provide the answers...THEN, I thought - hey, this is a good thing - we have gone from Stage 4 Metastatic Cancer without a treatment option to a likely possibility that we could be at the Stage 3 Lung Cancer with a slim treatment option - slim is better than none! Could God be taking this cancer away from my mom?  Well, Of course He could be!  I am slow to speak this out loud because of the what if's...Is that bad on my part?  I pray it isn't me doubting God - I feel like it is more of me being prepared for whatever direction God is going to take my mom in. So, we have the next test...an MRI on the abdomen. I get the call from the doctor...No concern with the Colon - PRAISE GOD!!!!  What about the gall bladder???  Well, the Oncologist says he isn't sure....REALLY, after at least 3 different scans done on my mom's abdominal area, you aren't sure?  What does this mean?  My first thought is GOD IS HEALING MY MOM!  Yes, I know he can. Please God, continue to take this away from my mom, please!!!!  Then comes the thought...does this doctor know what he is looking at? Why is there a question...He says at this point, I am not convinced that area shows cancer. I will confer with the radiologist and the surgeon and get back to you...in the meantime, lets go on the assumption it isn't cancer there and focus on the Lungs - have the broncoscopy done on the second spot on the lung and see how we want to treat that and we will get back to the gall bladder area. OK, I am fearful of getting excited over this.

TRUST...how do I trust my Lord over this?  My dear cousin sent me a note of encouragement on this area. Her mom, my mom's twin, faced a very similar situation 5 or so years ago. She was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer and was told treatment would be tough and it was most likely incurable. My cousin did not want her mom to go through treatment. She thought she should just live the rest of her life as great as she could and as healthy as she could until the end, however short that time may be.(To save her the pain and fatigue from treatment that had no guarantee) BUT my aunt said - I will do the treatment and I will trust in God that He will heal me!  Well, 5 years later - my Aunt Linda is cancer free. :-)  PRAISE GOD!!!!!  Thank you Lord for taking such great care of my Aunt!

The reality is some people die from their cancer and the others survive.  Maybe for a few more years, maybe a lifetime of years...I need to trust in our Wonderful, Loving, Merciful God above that He has my mom's best interest in mind and He will take her along this journey and we need to trust Him that whatever happens, The God who is our Creator is in control. His Will be done in my mom's life.

As if this isn't enough to be going through - my 16 year old daughter is having some health concerns. While I do not think these concerns are terribly serious - they have to be dealt with and solutions need to be found.

My prayer - Guide us on this path and help us to not lose Faith no matter what comes our way Lord. I pray for The Holy Spirit to lead me and give me the words to speak to my mother and to my children and to my family that are going through this! Lord, please give me the guidance I need to take care of my family the way You want me to. Please keep Avah, My Mom (Brinda) and my daughter (Taylor) in your care and heal them all! During this time of taking care of my mom and my daughter - please allot me the time to spend with my other children and my husband as well so that no one is lacking in care and attention. I cannot do this alone but with You, Lord - I can provide love and care for my family! Watch over our health, our jobs and our finances and carry us through!  Amen!!!!